Name: Nikki Ontolodge Monet
Location: Portland Oregon
How has your understanding of gender evolved over time, and what experiences have influenced that journey?
My understanding of gender has really changed a lot over the years. Being in my 60s there has been a lot of change in the world whether it is the straight community or the LGBTQ + community.
When I was younger, it was basically just straight community and gay community, but the gay community was changing to include bisexuality.
In your work or leadership role, how do you create space for people of identities to feel seen and valued?
– In my 20s and 30s creating space for identities wasn’t easy and wasn’t really looked at. Because, The big thing going on at that time was the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, and our biggest concern in our community was getting that illness recognized and getting help for the people that were infected with it. We had a president at that time that wouldn’t even acknowledge it or talk about it so we had to as a community come together and force issues so that we would stop losing all of our friends and family chosen family.
What do you wish more people understood about the distinction between gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation?
My biggest wish for people to understand that life is ever evolving and to just listen to other people and not judge and not try to force their opinions and feelings on everybody. We need people to just be compassionate to everybody and understand that everybody’s feelings are valid.
Can you share a time when you challenged traditional societal norms—either your own or someone else’s—and what the outcome was?
In my life times, the only time I’ve ever challenged traditional societal norms is what I’m in drag. Obviously society thinks that I should dress as a male actor as a male, etc.. But, when I am in drag, people look at me differently some people give me Looks of hatred, but my only wish is that everybody is treated equally no matter how they dressed and how they look.
How do intersectional identities (like race, class, disability, etc.) shape your experience and how others perceive you?
My personal belief and philosophy of life is to treat each person as an individual to try and understand their personal feelings and how they want to be seen as. Race class and disability don’t have a place in my life. We are all equals. We are all created equally and it doesn’t matter what color your skin is, how much money you make or if you have a disability.
What gives you hope or momentum in the current fight for inclusion, especially regarding gender?
With the current administration, we have run this country and the temperature of communities. I don’t have much hope right now. I feel that we have taken steps backwards instead of trying to move forward. I hope that in the future we can get back to where we were and make steps forward, but the only way that’s going to happen is if we learn to have compassion for one another.
What advice would you give to young people who are exploring or questioning their identities today?
My advice to the younger generation is to always remember who came before you and whose shoulders you were standing on, because without the generations that came before us, we wouldn’t be where we are today. If the generation before you had not fought for the rights that you have right now you wouldn’t be able to do what you’re doing.
Do you ever prioritize one part of your identity over another, and if so, how?
At my age, I don’t prioritize one part of my life over the other, I just wake up every morning and pray that I can do everything I need to do for that day, and that my body and mind stay healthy or as healthy as they can be.
What support would be the most valuable that allies can do to help regarding inclusion and equality?
The biggest part we can get from our allies right now is to understand that we were all equal that in God’s eyes we are all the same and nobody is better than anybody else.
How can our community come together as a whole, given how diverse we are?
Our community could come together and support one another better and make sure that everybody is getting the help that they need, and the understanding that they need.
