Name: Anne Harris
Profession: Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Company: The Montana Family Center
How long have you been helping people become better?
I began my mental health career as a paraprofessional in 1970 in Petoskey Michigan working as an outreach worker for a county mental health clinic. I suppose my real “clinical,” work began in 1981, Missoula, MT, with my BA degree in Social Work and opening a run away service for teenagers to find a safe place.
Why is it important for people to focus on themselves and become better?
Focusing on our own wellness, physical and mental, enables us to live more fully and to find the way that we choose to contribute to the world around us. That of course can mean that we find satisfaction in our life whether it is being an excellent dishwasher, cook, radio announcer, salesperson, gas company ditch digger, or a classroom aid for 3rd graders. These are some of the jobs I had before earning my Masters degree and entering the mental health field professionally. In all truth one of my most enjoyable jobs was being a server at several restaurants. With better self-knowledge and acceptance everything I have done became better.
What do you believe are the top 3 things a person can do to be happier?
First, deal with your past, the good, horrible, and strange. Second, find your core values and stick with them as your guide. Your ideas, plans, and relationships will change, values are central to our “Being.”
Third, get connected to others in a meaningful way. We benefit from having a network of Allies, some casual, some are life mates. Find your communities.
What do you think are the top 3 things for a person to do to be healthier?
1) Smile more. 2) Let yourself trust and have faith in something bigger than yourself. 3) Get rid/resolve anything that gets in the way of loving and respecting yourself.
How have you found your core values and stayed true to them?
I had the good fortune to be born into a family that believed in unconditional love and that we have a responsibility to show others kindness and love where it can be received. Look, I was born into an multi-generational alcoholic family system, and I’m a survivor of paternal incest. None of that was easy to understand as a child or young adult, we didn’t talk about such things. Dad was also a closeted gay man, mom a loving co-dependent and we four children a successful “beard.” I know I learned some of my core values by example and by making mistakes and learning better. I have worked in my life with true incarcerated psychopaths, been assaulted, and witnessed through exposure to some of the worst things humans can do to each other. I have never wavered from a core belief that we are all worthy of love, even those I’m happy have to live isolated from the rest of society. My core values of unconditional love, responsibility to give back, and stand for justice enable me to do the work that I do. This includes the parents of LGBTIQA+ children (adult or younger) who reject, shame, humiliate, and physically torture their beautiful queer children for simply having the strength to be true to themselves. My work as a professional counselor daily confirms the core values I live from. I’m also a parent of two incredible adult children and their children. I transmitted those values not by lecturing but by living those values openly and proudly, even at risk. When my whole family walks with me in PRIDE parades and support their friends of all stripes with love and kindness, I know that the core values work, intergenerationally.
From your perspective, how can someone start making little steps to be better?
I suppose, from my time as a 12-step program member, start with an inventory of both what you like in your life and what you would like to leave at the roadside of your journey through life. Then work on detaching from the undesirable and make small steps towards the life that you desire. Ask for help! There are hundreds of people around you that have the same struggles you do. Look for the ones who are making progress and try what they’re doing. Seek help from a professional and be picky with your choice. Not everyone with a professional license is right for us. You are the consumer when it comes to help, if you’re not making progress switch it up.
What advice do you have that they struggle to make time for themselves?
Stop! Sit down and know that your life, the time each day really belongs to you. Make a 3-minute commitment to do something that brings your joy. Sing a song, play some favorite music, actually hug a damn tree, look into your eyes in a mirror and say directly to yourself and say a simple truth: “I am a lovable, worthwhile human being.” This is harder than it seems. If you can do that, find someone you mostly trust and ask them to just listen and smile at you and say the same thing while holding their hands, looking them in the eye. This is so much harder than saying I love you, but actually put into the air, “I am a lovable, worthwhile human being.” Try it.
What are some of the things you do for yourself to be better?
I meditate daily. I started meditating when I was 20, I’m now 75. I admit mistakes promptly without fear. I make amends where I can if I’ve wronged someone. I’ve learned to let myself “off the hook,” for boo boos. I try to live as honestly and as transparently as possible.
What advice do you have for those that falter or become uninspired?
First, get back on the horse. That may not make sense to those who haven’t ridden and fallen off a horse but it’s a truth that we all fail. We don’t learn by not failing. Look at the challenging and scarry political world just in the U.S. We are in the midst of one of the biggest social shifts since the invention of the printing press. Yes, politics are not going to be easy for any of us. Despair is our worst enemy, it eats at our psyche, our souls, our very well being. I’ve never was afraid as a constant companion when I came out as transgendered 30 years ago. Some anxiety of course about being accepted but not afraid for my life for simply being me. Damn it, we are lovable, even if we haven’t made the best choices. Let yourself feel the indignant rage of being condemned by others, then do something with the rage (after screaming to let off some steam). Roll up your sleeves and find those who are organizing and making a difference. Maybe you’re not rich, or a speech maker, or an organizer yet, I’ll bet you can address envelopes, answer phones, put up posters, stand in freezing rain at a vigil or other non-violent protest. The most important thing is to JUST SHOW UP, for starters. As queer folx we can make a difference. The work of social change is hard and yet that’s what we are being called to do. You may feel helpless but others are organizing and waiting for you to show up so they know they’re not alone. Let you light shine.
Any other tips or advice for our readers about how to work on being holistically a better person?
Be True to yourself, your wonderful queer and straight communities.
