by Dayna Mason
Right now, there are people in your life who smile while they belittle, degrade, or dismantle you. They claim to care about you, but no matter what you say, they have a way of spinning it in a negative direction. Virtually every time you’re around them, you leave feeling crappy.
The difficulty is that often these are people we are dating, or they are our brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, or even moms and dads. Sometimes these people have been lifelong friends.
We let them treat us horribly, and we chalk it up to “that’s just the way they are,” even though time and time again they leave us feeling that we are worthless.
Sometimes we grow so accustomed to the weight of these relationships, we have no idea how damaging they are to us.
Why do we hang out with and talk to people who are so negative and don’t add value to our lives? After all, shouldn’t friends and family build you up and encourage you?
It’s important to show yourself that you care for yourself above all else. That may sound silly, but when you hang out with negative people out of obligation, you’re placing what’s good for you behind other people’s needs.
Take Action
Here’s a challenge: Sit in a quiet place. Divide a piece of paper into two columns.
The first column is your “home team.” These people are positive. They are your cheerleaders, not backstabbers. They build you up and are always actively trying to help you win, grow, and succeed. Your home team people do not drain you; they make you laugh and. They are truthful with you at all times. They make your life better just because you know them.
The second column is the “away team.” Oh, where to start with them! Well, they are all-around negative people. They are only interested in criticism, put-downs, and judgment. They suck the life out of the people in their lives, and having to talk to them is dreadful. You often question why you are friends and if they really care about you. They leave you feeling like crap.
Note: Sometimes family members are on the away team! We often give negative people a pass because they are family. However, if they were really family, they would act like it and treat you in a loving manner.
There may be some people that you’re not sure which column they belong in. Maybe you haven’t spent enough time with them to know. For these people, you can make a third column titled “unsure.”
In making the list, you must be truthful. This will work only if you’re honest with yourself.
After you’ve completed the list, for the next thirty days, spend time with only people on your home team. In doing so, you will limit the negative influences in your life.
This isn’t about writing people off, though. That’s not the goal. You don’t have to end relationships with people who are on your away team. It’s simply about choosing who you spend your time with.
At the end of the thirty days with just your home team, you can take a closer look at the “unsure” column and decide if you want to spend time with any of them and therefore whether they also belong on the home team.
It’s not the easiest thing to do, but know that this works 100% of the time. It’s guaranteed that if you spend time with only those people on your home team, you will feel better and live life better. When you surround yourself with supportive and encouraging people, it greatly improves your life in almost every way, including your outlook.
This article appeared in the Spring 2019 issue of Unite Seattle Magazine
