Name: Harry Dixon, MA, LMHC, LPCC, LPC
Profession: Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Sex Therapist
Company: Rainbow Connection Counseling Collective
How long have you been helping people become better?
8 years
Why is it important for people to focus on themselves and become better?
In yoga, there’s a phrase, “Where your gaze goes, your body follows”. What this means is that how we view ourselves has a profound impact on our mental health and wellbeing. So, if we see ourselves worthy of love and belonging, we actively search and find a community that reinforces that. The opposite is also true, if we don’t value ourselves and we don’t better ourselves we engage in destructive thoughts and behaviors that reinforces our negative self-belief.
It’s also important to know that the human brain wants to be better. It is naturally predisposed to improvement and seeking novelty, but it also seeks safety and routine. Understanding that our brains naturally seek to balance safety with risk taking is important to helping us achieve a more balanced and holistic approach in life. Every brain is different, and that scale may be more skewed towards safety due to trauma, hardship, anxiety, etc. or towards risk taking due to ADHD, secure attachment, mental maturity, etc. So, focusing on how your brain works and constructs the world around you is important to understand how to find and work towards a balanced and holistic life. When we know ourselves better, we build better relationships from a more informed place that are more deeply connected and loving. When we know who we are we are also more immune to self-blame and refuse to accept responsibility for things like other people’s emotions or perceptions of us. When we accept that the only opinion of us that matters is our own with input from our most trusted inner circle of loved ones, we can be our best selves.
What do you believe are the top 3 things a person can do to be happier?
1. Focus on what you can control and what you cannot, knowing that accepting this is not a reflection on who you are as a person
2. Stop comparing yourself to other people. We all embody unique rhythms, histories, and ways of being in the world that only make sense to us and a trusted circle of loved ones
3. Find where you belong and stay and build connections from that place
What do you think are the top 3 things for a person to do to be healthier?
1. Stop comparing yourself to others
2. Physical activity and eating well
3. Practice unconditional acceptance in whichever way makes sense (there are many unique ways to practice mindfulness that aren’t meditation)
How have you found your core values and stay true to them?
Values are like lighthouses that are supposed to guide you towards your best self and provide a sense of self and promote belonging to oneself. They develop over time as we get to know ourselves and our boundaries better, and they’re also broad concepts that can flex and adapt if necessary as I grow and change. I engage in a practice called “doing inventory”, where I run through questions like “am I aligned to what matters most to me in this moment?” or “what’s important to me right now that will help me feel better and/or connected”. Having this regular practice helps me stay true to them.
From your perspective, how can someone start making little steps to be better?
Always start with the smallest step possible. So many people will attempt to accomplish goals by focusing only on the outcome, which often feels monumentally huge. Instead, focus on the little things that are manageable, achievable, and will build and build until the goal is accomplished. Trust that you have everything you need to be successful.
What advice do you have that they struggle to make time for themselves?
How you treat yourself is a direct reflection of how you value yourself. So, if you struggle to make time for yourself, then you’re saying to yourself “I don’t matter”. You have to remember that life operates from the inside out, so if you don’t value yourself or your time, no one will and no one can change your mind either. You have to tell yourself on a regular minute by minute basis “I matter”.
What are some of the things you do for yourself to be better?
I make sure I have a good self-care/self-love routine and a self-compassion practice which helps me stay aligned with my values. The self-compassion piece is the most important as it reminds me to view things in context and as broadly as possible so that I don’t shame or blame myself too much. I also love to go to raves and EDM festivals which is often a place where I interact with the kindest, warmest, authentic and genuine people.
What advice do you have for those that falter or become uninspired?
Separate your self-worth from failure. By doing so, you’ll see failure as a learning opportunity and not as a reflection on who you are as a person. Failure is a part of life and it’s an essential part of how our brains naturally learn. Invite failure into your life and learn to speak to it and to be curious about the why and how’s.
We all will become uninspired at some point in our lives. Inspiration and motivation are not constants though they can sometimes feel that way. Treat them like waves in the ocean, sometimes you’ll get a big wave that you can ride for a long time, and other times a shorter one that peters out quickly. Either way does not denote failure, simply the regular ebbs and flows of life.
Also, inspiration comes from what we value in life and from what we derive meaning. If you’re feeling uninspired, ask yourself what is meaningful to you, what calls to you, and follow it even if it’s just watching a show from your couch. You can be the most meaningful couch potato and that can be enough.
Any other tips or advice for our readers about how to work on being holistically a better person?
Learn to say no and communicate boundaries effectively. How people respond to your boundaries tells you how they view you, so if they don’t respect them, they won’t respect you, and you won’t respect yourself.
Give yourself a regular treat day where you spoil yourself to show yourself self-love. You’re worth it.
